The Idiot Line

So let me tell you a true story about my parking lot experience this morning. When I got out of class a few minutes early, I walked back to the OSU Med. Center parking lot where I always park in the morning. Most people don't show up till 9 so it's great for me and then I always get to make one person's lucky day by giving them a spot when I leave.

Up near the entrance, the traffic flow splits to go one way or the other and most people have little ingenuity or ability to think, let alone outside a box or other containment device that's less thick than their skull, so they stack up and just wait for a parking spot to free up. This can take forever, especially if you consider that there's very few parking spots opening up and that the smart people would roam the lot looking for the spots rather than waiting on the guy at the front of a line to see one and leave. It's impossible to describe the stupidity of this line.

Well, today as I walked into the lot, this girl started gesturing at me through her window. I was like, well, whatever, and pointed in the direction I was walking so she would know I was freeing up a spot. She rolls down her window and asks where I'm going. "Four rows down on the far end". We're talking about still a 3-4 minute walk down there on the ice. She then motions for me to come over. Thinking I could finagle a ride to my car, I walked over and then what she said shocked me, "You need to walk up to the front of that line and tell the person waiting for you to follow me so that they will get a spot and this line will move". Mind you, she's not even pulled into the line yet but I have deduced that this might truly be the biggest moron yet because she knows I'm opening up a spot and still, she's going to get into the idiot line to watch clouds float while telling me that I owe it to her to go get the guy at the front of the idiot line and take him to my spot.

My response after being dumbfounded for a moment was, "No, I'm walking over to my car". She replies, "Well, where are you parked?". I tell her again. She asks if I will lead her to my spot. "Well, will you give me a ride?". She hesitates and I gave up on her and started walking. As she rolls up her window, I left her sitting there. By the time I was in my car and pulling out of the lot she had finally found me and my spot, which was now filled by a car who had a happy driver with half a brain. Who are you that you thought you had the right to tell me what to do?

Parking Vultures

I think many of my readers know what I'm talking about when I talk about parking vultures, but let me just vent for a minute about how much I hate them.

It seems like whenever I get out of class and walk to my car there's always at least 4-5 cars circling the parking lot, waiting for the next person to pull out. They're desperate to get a parking spot close to their classes or work, even though waiting will make them late. This desperation translates into a cutthroat attitude about securing said parking spot. Worst case scenario is that 2 people see your spot at the same time and try to duel out for it as you're trying to pull out. Almost as bad is the case which seems to happen to me quite often.

In their over-exuberance to achieve their goal of a parking spot, these vultures will often overgun the spot and then brake hard. Then, as I'm trying to back out, instead of backing up (even though nobody else is in the aisle at all), they sit right up on my bumper and then get all impatient at you as your try and make a 9 point turn to get out of the mess that they've stuck you in. It's all I can do not to walk back and chew someone's head off for how stupid they seem when they do that. What stops them from backing up politely out of your way, grateful for the fact that you are giving them a spot? Nothing stops them except their greedy ingratitude.


Even when I'm just walking out to my car to put away my lunchbox and computer before I walk to a recitation or something, there will be people waiting, lurking almost, in the parking lot. They watch everything I do, hoping I'll get in the car and leave and then get all huffy when I shut the trunk and just walk back.

So if you're one of these... remember to be polite. People giving up their spot for you is a favor, whether you realize it or not, so respect them as they try to get out of your way.